Rollen Funny Status Messages

   My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don't want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"

   If you think you're having a bad day just remember, at least you're not receiving death threats by one of the world most powerful drug lord.

   Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant in 2015.

   I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!

   She lost me at, "I don't watch football."

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I'm driving around the city with out car insurance" Mexican..

   She lost me at, "that's cray cray!"

   All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?

   She lost me at, " I'm going for the Seahawks!"

   "Oh, you smoke cigarettes? Don't bother, I'll take myself to the friendzone."

   I'm a Mexican but not a "I own a metro phone Mexican."

   My daily goal is to change the world one status at a time. (Sigh) this is how single I am.

   If the only text you receive all day is from your phone company saying that you've exhausted your data for the month, you ugly.

   X says “B*tch don't kill my vibe” – me every time I see a post about that dress or the black coffee jokes.