Reznor Funny Status Messages

   Kim Kardashian settles lawsuit with Old Navy over stealing her likeness; also settles with The Gap over stealing her nickname.

   You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!

   My therapist told me I should quit drinking alcohol and caffeine. I laughed and said "Maybe you're the crazy one!!"

   Ahhhh My Facebook wall filled with pics of new lap tops, cellphones, cameras and countless trips to the tattoo parlor. There is either a sale at Walmart or its Tax time in America!

   My friend told me not to say anything about her new boyfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on his normal one.

   Couldn't it have been a little cooler for National No Bra Day??

   I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.

   If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is "My god how does he drink his beer??", You might be an alcoholic.

   By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks shes wrong.

   Ive saved a ton of money on Birthday Cards by switching to Facebook!

   Today feels like a pull the fire alarm kinda day.

   Dear ladies: If you're tired of guys staring at your boobs, just turn around. We like asses too.

   China has really impressed me in the Olympics. They use the same person for every event!

   What has 75 balls and screws little old ladies? Bingo

   Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married.

   Well guess its time to do the dishes....... The kids are drinking their milk from shotglasses.

   Happy Mushy-Card-Nasty-Candy-in-a-Heart-Shaped-Box-Big-Balloon-That-Barely-Fits-in-Your-Car-And-You-Can't-See-to-Back-Up-$75-Rose s-That-Can-be-Bought-Tomorrow-for-$20-but-Must-be-Sent-to-"Prove"-Your-Love-Stand-In-Line-for-Two-Hours-to-Eat Day!! <HATE

   They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it.

   My girlfriend wants something with lots of diamonds for Valentine's Day. She is going to love this deck of cards!

   Well it sounds like my girlfriend is upstairs reading "50 Shades of Grey" or she's been building up to sneeze for the last 10 minutes.