RandomGirlie Funny Status Messages

   thinks that if you post an album titled "WeDdInG PhoToS", you are probably too young to be married.

   Someone came up to me and said get a life...I punched them in the face and said get a helmet.

   Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

   If you assign numerical values to each letter of the alphabet, in order, (A=1 and Z=26) you will find that hard work gives you 98%, but bullsh!t gives you 103%. Math does not lie.

   When the outcome of what I strive for is consistently determined by things completely out of my control, my give-a-damn reacts accordingly. I'm just sayin'...

   Glow-in-the-dark condoms: now you see it, now you don't!

   A lot of peeps these days have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.

   asks: Is it wrong to want to be the designated driver just so you can drop obnoxious drunk a$$holes off at random houses that aren't theirs?

   It took me many years to lose my mind. Why the hell would I want a piece of yours?

   Dear Today, thank you for trying. I'm glad you're almost over. Love, X

   saw the best T-shirt EVER today: "Who the hell needs Hooters when you've got BALLS?" Win.

   there will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.

   wondering why the chick who flipped me off in the parking lot this morning couldn't find a better use for that finger. She could have been so much happier!

   Pirate first aid: If the wound is smaller than your fist, drink rum. If it's larger than your fist, stuff a parrot in it.

   Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kid pointed to his crotch all day and said "woody!"

   Forget the "Dislike" button....can we get a "Don't Give a F*ck" button ?

   If we really knew exactly what we were getting into when we decided to have kids, I'm pretty sure we'd be screwed as a species.

   S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday.

   thinks she settled the argument over whether you refer to a carbonated beverage as "soda, pop, or Coke"....it's "chaser!"

   To the assclown who was driving the Prius in front of me earlier: The interstate DOES NOT HAVE a left turn lane. Not sure why it took you 23 miles to figure this out....