Otis Funny Status Messages

   I prefer my kale with a silent "K"

   nearly 500 million eggs recalled, I'd hate to be the guy who has to put them back in the chickens.

   Social Security checks are go paperless. Cause if the is something senior citizens are good at it's online banking.

   Deep thoughts by Johnny Quarantine. Minnesota votes to disband police department and go with a community-based public safety program. I’m assuming this community-based public safety program will be comprised of police officers who recently lost their jo

   Due to the recent out break of Norovirus. Royal Caribbean will be changing ships name to Exploader of the Sea.

   When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty

   The Packers did a discount double choke on Sunday

   Any hedge can be a maze if your drunk enough.

   What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ''K'' instead of ''Okay''?

   Arizona Cardinals running back Jonathan Dwyer was arrested Wednesday for domestic violence, according to reports. Let's see, we have Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice and now this idiot accused of domestic violence. Is this a running back thing?

   says, if Renea would just watch porn with me, she would understand why I made her buy roller skates and why we have 20 gallons of chocolate pudding in the fridge

   I want to start a Go Fund Me account to sponsor any Coronavirus infectious people to pay them to go hug a politician

   I know I’m getting old when playing the stock market is more fun than playing a video game

   I do not want to get the Coronavirus that’s why I switched to Modelo

   When I got the decorations out of the attic yesterday REAL spiders started coming out of the containers.... Well played Halloween, well played.

   I won't be impressed with technology until I can download beer.

   Photo bombing is all fun and games until terrorists start doing it.

   caught sticking sharp metal objects into the wall outlets. Now I'm gounded.

   What does Obamacare and Obama's NCAA bracket have in common? They are both busted.

   So Apple makes the iphone larger, the ipad smaller (ipad mini) why not just switch names on them and call it a day?