MiMisHouse Funny Status Messages

   It's a good thing that not everyone owns a smartphone..Someone has to HONK when the light turns green.

   The probability of someone looking at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score! WooHoo!

   Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

   Hey, little regular fry in with my curly fries. Just be yourself, buddy.

   I don't always have time to Spring Clean, but when I do, I Don't!

   Stocked up on the Merlot and chocolate. Bring the 3 week corona quarantine!

   No, I didn't gain weight over the holidays....I'm just retaining Christmas cookies, that's all....

   Never put all your eggs in one basket.....unless they're chocolate.....and it's my basket

   Ah, yes...what lovely blouse shall I stain with food today?

   If you say the word "Rum-balls" without rolling the R...are you even pronouncing it correctly?

   You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas Tree by the lines of tape wrapped around the box it's stored in.

   First that idiot cut me off in traffic, then he steals my parking spot, and now his stupid car got paint on my key!

   What kind of idiot would think ingesting disinfectant would kill coronavirus? Everyone knows if you buy tons of toilet paper, you're protected from ever getting it, to begin with!

   If your grandma got run over by a reindeer, you may be entitled to compensation...Cal 1800 HURT HAHA!

   If it has yellow and black stripes, I run the other way, fast!