ME Funny Status Messages

   An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.

   Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music of the internet.

   AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married, There will be no reception.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, the boss snuck out early and I am too.

   seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..

   Wow I slept like an air traffic controller last night.

   To the brave souls who lost their lives tragically 9 years ago today.. may you never be forgotten R.I.P

   Conversations that start with "Don't get mad" seldom end that way.

   Thinks facebook has ruined school reunions.. now everyone knows your full of sh*t before you get there..

   wonders why everyone on facebook looks like they had a stroke I mean seriously that facial expression is stupid, and holding up the peace sign doesnt make you look any smarter.

   you're not fat, you are just easy to see

   Every time I see Renee Zellweger on screen I want to hand her an antihistamine.

   Whats the differentce between A Jersey girl and a piece of trash? People pick up trash.

   Im using internet explorer so I hope this isnt too late. Happy new year 2009

   Sign seen at Bank window: "We don't mind you talking on your cell phone as long as you don't mind us IGNORING YOU! Thank you so much!"

   If ever you get sad, think of a T-Rex trying to masturbate

   I am a member of NSS( National Sarcastic Society).Our motto:"Like we Need your approval"

   RODEO SEX: while having sex call her the wrong name and try to hold on for 8 seconds

   salutes Dr. Seuss, who died today in 1991. Cats in hats, green eggs, Whoville? Thanks for the inspiration to take drugs!

   The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.