Hovo Funny Status Messages

   Copy and paste this as ur status, send it to 3 people in 10 minutes, absolutely nothing will happen! It works! Ive done it twice and both times nothing happened!

   Sorry hun, but unlike you, I'm not a doorknob where everyone gets a turn. I'm more of a casino where only the lucky ones hit the jackpot.

   The iPhone- checks my facebook, checks my email, organizes my music, calls my Mom, and now it tracks my whereabouts? It's like having a jealous psycho girlfriend in your pocket.

   Google has gotten so used to my search habits, all I have to do is type a celebrity's name and it automatically adds "nude".

   Once you lick frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin

   At what age is it approiate to tell my dog he's addopted?

   It's Been A Tough Few Years For The Ocean, we've had the oil spill, the Japan radiation, and now "Hey! Mind if we put Bin Laden there too?!"

   I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them (Lay-Z)

   Dude!!! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you.... And me

   Facebook needs to add a maybe button for friend requests, some people deserve to wait for a decision to be made.

   Men are a lot like shopping carts, when you finally find one without a screwed up wheel, it already has a wife pushing it around.

   I really want to punch "The Situation" in his vagina

   Just once somebody needs to roundhouse kick the person who does the 1$ bigger bid on The Price Is Right!

   Drunk sayings = Sober thoughts

   If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!

   I installed a stripper pole outside my house. Haven't caught one yet.

   Instead of cashiers saying "here's your receipt" they should say "will you throw this away for me?"

   I was just thinking, what if car bumpers were filled with candy so if you got in a car crash, it would explode like a piñata. " Sorry 'bout the crash, but look free candy!!!"

   life is all bout ass... you're either kissing it, behaving like it, covering it, working it off, or trying to get a piece of it.

   Daylight savings is the lamest form of time travel.