Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Remember back in the day when you would make a collect call and try to yell the info to the other party before you were disconnected?

   To the redheaded guy on CSI Miami...you're not Clint Eastwood so knock it off!!!

   Safe sex back in my day was not getting caught.

   Dear Employer, I have worked insane amounts of hours for you; shed blood; even went through a divorce because of you. Is it too much to ask for some decent toilet paper up in here?

   We've all seen that person on Social Media who likes to debate things as if they are a college professor. Dude...you're arguing with someone who uses "dat"

   On this day thirty years ago.. Mtv still played music videos.

   Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A

   Dear Mr. Coffee, Do you even manufacture a coffee pot that doesn't spill when you pour out of it? -Early Riser

   Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?

   If you didn't make one corner of an old metal swing set pop up in the backyard, you sucked growing up!

   I love my wife, and God bless her for packing my lunch. But when you whip out a fruit roll up on a construction site, you get looks!

   A bad Walmart greeting just ruins the whole experience.

   Hey toilette paper manufactures, you think you can make the last six sheets a courtesy red? Thanks

   will not discriminate against the following: race, religion, sex, or creed. However UGLY... I have to draw the line somewhere!

   I've yet to check the status of my Lotto ticket. My biggest fear is that for last five hours here at work, I've put up with unnecessary bull****

   Wow, just drove by the gas station and the guy changing prices has a chair camping out...no good can come of this!!

   You know you're country when you use a horse trailer to move.

   Teacher: Imagine you're in a world with dinosaurs and a dinosaur was going to eat you. What would you do? Boy: Easy, stop imagining.

   Ten minutes left in the workday. This is where I use the restroom, and wash my hands for a long time.

   Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?