Derfmeister Funny Status Messages

   If you're gonna order a salad with ham, raisins, peanuts, croutons & extra ranch, just order a freaking sandwich.

   I guess Black Friday started early in Ferguson

   If Voldemort is such a powerful wizard, why can't he conjure up a new nose?

   I'm trying to go back to my original shape. 7 lbs. 9oz..

   Just realize its XXX Olympics. Why aren't the people naked when they get their medals??

   Wrong # call = boring. Wrong text message = fun. Some1 text me "Carl, where the hell r u?" I responded "sex change, call you back as Carla."

   BBQ at Bear Mountain

   Curiosity just landed on Mars. I hope there will be a picture of the 3 titties lady..

   Why don't chicken breast have nipples?

   So did Queen Elsa put a spell on the Kingdom of Buffalo?