DREW Funny Status Messages

   If you leave a cupcake out long enough, it just becomes a cookie

   trying to give me the finger is like giving a spider the web. I'm just gonna spin it and use it to my advantage =)

   Thank god this election is over......I almost forgot what real commercials were like.

   I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

   at the zoo today with all the little kids running around, oh wait a minute its just Walmart.

   when I was a lil kid I thought picking toys in the toy store was hard, now that I turn 21 picking alcohol in the liquor store is harder.

   if you could have anything right now, what would you have? I want to have a healthy heart, to walk, to see, to hear, to have awesome friends and a wonderful family.....OH WAIT! I have that already so pretty much Nothing, man. I'm happy as is.

   The problem with us beautiful people is that most people hate us.

   I haven't got a Twitter account yet, so I just carry around a megaphone and announce what I'm doing at random times. I've got three followers so far - but I think two are cops...

   So...this new show called The Wall. Is this what Donald Trump was talking about the whole time? Advertising an hour long game show about Plinko?

   My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird a## quiz where he reveals the answer first.

   Dear Lunchables, I remember when I was a kid I used to love eating you, now that I'm an adult, I realize now that you are just cheese and crackers and are nowhere near a full lunch, wtf was I thinking. Please update your lunchables to feed more than a sma

   It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?

   If you're close minded. Blind fold yourself as if there's nothin more to further see

   amazed how unexpectedly and rapidly things can change. I am Gizmo and water was just splashed on me.

   When you're at Lowes and hear "Special assistance needed in the blind cutting area" I would hope so... That sounds dangerous...