CindyAnn Funny Status Messages

   If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it.

   That "dammit" moment when you forget to take your phone to the toilet so you just sit there like "Now what do I do...?"

   Does anybody else check their keyboard after somebody mispells something to see how close the letters were?

   A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.

   If I ever get a Jury Summons, I figure I can just send them a link to my Facebook page to get out of it.

   I'm a kind and generous person, except for those days when, for no apparent reason, I hate pretty much everyone.

   If I ever get Amnesia, don't waste Thousands of Dollars taking me to a Psychologist. Just show me my Facebook account.

   My "I hate you" face must look very similar to my "tell me more" face. I'll have to work on that.

   There is nothing quite like the pang of disappointment you feel when you realize that you have pressed the wrong button on the vending machine as you stare at that damn granola bar instead of a hunny bun.

   "You're beautiful. No, you're beautiful! No, No, you're Beautiful. No No No. You're beautiful." -Girls on Facebook Profile Pictures

   To make a long story short...I walk away.

   refuses to swallow my pride. The last thing I need in my diet right now is more empty calories.

   Dear Me, I just wanted to remind you that it's okay to say "No" once in awhile. I'll let you in on a little secret-the world will go on! Love, Me

   When I get old, I don't want people thinking, "what a sweet old lady..." I want them to worry, "I hope she's not armed..."

   If Facebook really wanted to entertain us, they'd make it a requirement for people to share their "mental status" in addition to each new status update.

   I was carrying groceries to the house the other night, when Justin Bieber played on my mp3 player. Had to bang my head on the trunk until my earphones fell out.

   The only yoga stretch I've perfected is the yawn.

   10 times out of 9, you'll find me exaggerating about something.

   Girls who are on the same menstrual cycle as their friends should basically be referred to as gang members. That's how dangerous they are.

   Facebook is a major city, Twitter is a vacation spot, and My space is a ghost town.