CJ Funny Status Messages

   Next time I see a car with like, 90 stick children on it, I am taping a condom to the window.

   Some people make me understand why monkeys throw their poo.

   I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location

   A positive to being overweight: you fill the bathtub up real quick, and save money on your water bill.

   Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone "Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who's phone you've just called." Problem solved!

   Reminding you to never argue with someone who is not on your level of intelligence. Hand them a box of crayons and walk away knowing that you are smarter.

   If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my a$$!!

   It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

   The only time I've ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.

   Stand up for what is right, even if you're standing alone.

   I hate when crumbs fall down your cleavage.....sometimes I think my boobs eat more than I do

   Why is it that melted cheese tastes like a zillion times better than regular cheese?

   BEER!!!! now cheaper than gas...DRINK......DON'T DRIVE!!!!!

   You know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

   Wow The ones u'd take a bullet for are the ones holding the trigger!!

   •Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

   Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

   girls have unique powers they get wet without water, bleed without an injury & make boneless things get hard.

   Having kids is a lot like living in a frat house. Everythings sticky and your not quite sure why...

   Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?