Brian Funny Status Messages

   wishing everyone a happy holiday. If your not sure what holiday it is just google March 14th.

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   After playing Call Of Duty online, I'm convinced that I would not last 10 seconds in a real war.

   How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams!

   Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.

   I hate when I find parking space and there's already a motorcycle parked in it.

   At night, I secretly delete people on your page while you are asleep that might be potential flirters. You call it insecurity, but I call it job security…you're welcome!

   Your cellphone is practically glued to your palms but the minute I call, you all of a sudden had your phone in your purse?

   When men lie, it's to avoid an argument. When women lie, it's to ruin lives.

   Happy 237th birthday America, you have achieved a level of corruption that rivals the crown we freed ourselves from.

   come to realize that housework is a lot like shoveling the driveway while it's still snowing, come back 10 minutes later and it looks like you never did it....LOL

   I'm almost sure she's cheating on me with her boyfriend.

   Maybe nows a good time to change my status from aethist to very religious and it's complicated.

   You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...

   I wonder if those guys who stand in the corners and flip those billboard signs around all day actually applied for that job or did they lose a bet?

   You really don't know a person until you realize they don't know how to spelle

   Dear Bible, you forgot to include us in your story. Sincerely, the dinosaurs

   Supervisors never get sick but their employees are sick throughout half the year...

   You know you're getting old when you hide the year of your date of birth on your profile.

   I'm sad my kids have left to Summer Camp for 2 weeks. I no longer have an excuse to watch iCarly while they're gone...