Brades Funny Status Messages

   would like to thank Facebook for reacquainting me not just with old friends but also with people I never liked much in the past and for reminding me why in the present.

   People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.

   Seems like most rioting in the world happens in the countries with the least bacon.

   wishes I had a stunt double to get me through the rest of this day.

   thinks BEER is the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was.

   The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.

   going to write a meaningful new Facebook status update, filled with deep, thoughtful sentiments, but screw that.

   "Women are made to be loved, not understood." - Oscar Wilde

   Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

   getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.

   thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.

   just did a shot of wheatgrass* and now I'm off to the gym**! (*=bourbon, **=pub)

   doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.

   wishes I were more outdoorsy. Unfortunately, there are bugs outside.

   Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

   It takes a natural disaster in Haiti for the US government to step up and donate money and aid and go above and beyond to offer assiatnce. Yet, they are too incompetent to do the same thing in our own country.

   St. Patrick -- one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.

   only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.

   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

   Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had.