Andrewjackson Funny Status Messages

   my theory: every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel

   I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you

   Remember before hand sanitizer & antibacterial soap when we slammed our faces into a slobber-filled bucket of water trying to get an apple?

   I've been building my son's trust for two yrs with high-fives. Today I'm going to hit him with a "too slow". Welcome to the real world, son.

   When life gives you scurvy, you’re going to wish you kept those lemons.

   Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.

   I’m not saying I failed as a parent, I’m just saying my son closes the cereal box without rolling up the bag.