AT Funny Status Messages

   There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes......how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?

   *<]:{ > Dear Santa, This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body and please don't get it backwards like you did last year [:p

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   I'm going to be more productive today by making a list of things I don't have to do and accomplish every one of them.

   LOVE it when i'm home alone! There is nobody to verify that I have done NOTHING in the last 2 hours.

   You know your life is boring when happy hour is when the kids take a nap.

   A penny saved is no longer a penny earned. It is a government oversight!!!

   If I ever write a book it's going to be about "People who waste other people's time by reading about their nonsense" but I probably will never write one so..... never mind.

   took my dog to sign up for Welfare. The clerk said dogs are not eligible. I said why not?!? He's unemployed, lazy, can't speak English, and dosen't know who his dad is!

   OH NO!!!! My purse is gone! How did they know where I keep it?

   Anyone can have knowledge, however it is only through age that you develop wisdom.

   wondering who ever came up with the saying "taking candy from a baby" as being something easy. I don't think they have ever tried it. I would rather take a salmon from a grizzly.

   Beware of those people who never post any statuses!...Come on now, we all know you're not JUST on fb to play the games, after all that's what a good ole game of solitaire is for.

   Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve.

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.

   listening to her dishwasher washing, her clothes washer and dryer washing and drying, her air purifier purifying and thinking what an awesome multi-tasker I am.

   thinks it is nice when people are at least a little humble, even if it isn't their BEST quality like it is for me.

   wonders if bear cubs wrestle and bite each other to prepare for hunting and caring for themselves as adults, why do babies pull folded laundry out of a basket and lay it all over the floor? Preparing to be husbands?

   Dear Loreal, your hair coloring products get rid of my gray hair and your cosmetics make me look younger, but tell me what you were thinking when you came up with this self-tanning lotion that makes your skin orange?

   Sorry little boy who came to my door trying to make a better life for yourself, but I will not buy that 7$ candy bar from you when I can get the same candy bar for a buck at the store.