@gnarleycharley Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa don't drink the milk at Bill Cosby's house!!!

   When I win the Mega Millions...The first order of business is buy the company I work for. Second, fire myself and collect unemployment...double dipping

   I think Mitt Romney should pick Hologram Tupac for his running mate..

   Dear Face Book you keep offering up people for me to friend, but then you get all  concerned and ask me how I know them.  You can't be the pimp and the cop!

   Goooodnight Vietnam !!! RIP Robin Williams one of a kind...

   Bill Cosby's lawyer says Cosby is legally blind, that might explain the sweaters & why he can't see his wedding ring.

   found out the hard way that his company doesn't celebrate National Speedo day...

   Tom Brady should be forced to spend those 4 games at a Children's Hospital blowing up balloon animals.

   I'm having a royal wedding watching party...drinking beer out of tea cups.  Pinkies up....chug chug chug

   Can't wait to buy Randy Travis's new album "Down and Loaded"with the hit single "Pants On The Ground"

    I might be  a 3XL at the mall, but I'm only a petite at "The Big and Tall Store"

   Kanye West is 53 million in debt...I heard Taylor Swift has started a go fu%# yourself account...

   Don't wash your car on Friday……It always rains satellites when you wash your car.

   "The food at the last supper was pretty terrible so I ordered pizza" ‪#‎BrianWilliamstories‬

   Experts think the Oscar for best picture will go to Boyhood or Bird-man. Kanye West thinks it will go to Beyoncé.

   I just walked into my house and yelled "Nobody I'm Home"....I think I need a dog.

   make sure you spell Harry correct and don't leave out the word "Prince" in your search for Harry Nude pictures....

   Breaking news Roger Goodell has just given Aaron Hernandez a 2 game suspension.

   I'm so crazy I'm thinking about springing forward right now....see you in an hour!

   running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”