Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a love-ate relationship with food.

   It's a myth that pets provide home security. 96% of all dog barks are false alarms, and cats instinctively side with evildoers.

   I would complain more about Monday, but there is still the rest of the week to mess up everything.

   I wish I liked anything as much as I hate you right now.

   It should be illegal to be *required* to be up before noon.

   Every hero has that villain to keep them going.

   has the key to all of life's questions... but he'll be damned if he can find the lock...

   bought some sea sickness tablets for my holiday. On the side of the box, under the list of possible side effects: 'May cause nausea' - yeah thanks for that!

   that I swear for every app I block from my newsfeed on FB, three more appear. It's like a computer virus that keeps evolving just to screw with me...

   Did I just say that! Or did I think it! Damn they spotted me..

   If age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?

   So tired of these new gadgets and the companies trying to monopolize the programs, I am going back to my pencil and a piece of paper!!!

   Making a pot of coffee so I can get ready to go out and have coffee.

   "I'm sorry, am I boring you?" "Yes you are, I appreciate your apology."

   I don't want to know the Daily Recommended Value. I want to know the Daily Maximum Value that I can consume before I get either fat or diabetes.

   thinks that physical abilty doesn't compensate for mental incompetence....

   WARNING: Facebook contains traces of nuts.

   will just have to find another McDonalds to frequent...... I am sooooo tired of management throwing me out of the ball pit..........

   a little puzzled, as to why she has eye-liner on her thigh...

   Everyone's got a story. I'll sleep through yours next.