BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Be careful in who you choose... and careful what you fall for.

   If your refund is more than you paid in taxes. You aren't getting YOUR TAXES back. You're getting MY TAXES back.

   Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”

   ~~ S.I.N.G.L.E = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one, (L)oser (E)radicated. 

   I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

   America, a country where people spend half of their money on food, and the other half on losing weight.

   Where is the button to restart summer?

   Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help

   Pawn Stars Man: Hey can I have change for a dollar? Rick: The best I can do is 25 cents.

   You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve done, not what I’ve been through. If you were in my shoes, you’d fall the first step.

   Laugh at your problems, everybody else does

   When someone is so sweet to you, don't expect that they will be like that all the time because even the damn sweetest chocolate expires to..

   Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don't lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?

   I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss.

   That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

   Someone needs to uninvent the internet so I can start getting some s$it done.

   Do not be sad if people preferred another one on you .. It's hard to convince the monkey that strawberries sweeter than bananas

   Don't you hate it when people just randomly tag you in their Facebook post!?

   Talk about others and you're a gossip. Talk about yourself and you're a bore.

   Nowadays people feel they need to identify with others before they can even identify with themselves.