SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Just wrote my rent check in hieroglyphics, that should delay things for a while.

   I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials.

   Which sounds classier, "dong," or "schlong?" I'm writing a letter to my grandmother.

   If you don't already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.

   Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.

   The two words that get me in the most trouble are "Why Not?"

   I guess what I'm proudest of is my ability to make the tough choices in hypothetical situations.

   Would You Like a Table?” … “No not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”

   Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don't serve breakfast?

   Maybe the economy wouldn't seem so bad if we put happier pictures on money. Like George Washington on a jetski.

   I was flipping through the Victoria's Secret catalogue and now I have a craving for ribs.

   Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of sh!t some people are.

   I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.

   The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn't enough motivation to get off the couch.

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world.

   I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like all this invisible sh!t.

   Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

   Lighters should have an attached sticker that reads: Caution: Will go missing in a week.

   I say they give all politicains the Federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour....See how fast things change then!!!!

   It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.