CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.

   New survey: 55% of men expect to pay on the 1st date. While the other 45% have never been on a 2nd date.

   Every business has its busy season. The gyms are now bracing for their two-week onslaught of door crashers.

   A friend in need is a friend who's going straight to voicemail.

   I only have one sexual preference and that's as often as possible please.

   It's pretty cool how vodka always has such 'great' ideas.

   I'm black but not "both my parents are white" black.

   Some people are like water balloons, they're more fun when you throw them out the window.

   You're the shampoo in the eyes of my life.

   My wife's safe word is: we have 5 kids!

   Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today.

   The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.

   Let's be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.

   Ok, but like, on a scale of 1 to 10, how married are you?

   What I lack in confidence, I make up for in whisky.

   I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn't be allowed to leave Wal Mart.

   If you're a vegan and an atheist and a runner, how do you choose which way to annoy people in a conversation first?

   "OMG I got flowers and chocolate! I should take a picture of them and post it on my Facebook page so everyone can know I got flowers and chocolate!" - Some Silly ho on Facebook.

   Some people are here for laughs. Some for therapy. Some for sex. Me? I'm here to learn the difference between your and you're.

   Coffee is just a hug for your insides.