Funny Status Messages Search
Filter On | Filter Off
Search results for status messages containing 'SuthernFukr': View All Messages
Page: 9 of 81
X There's a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the "close this ad" button.
X I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn't “fun to be around.”
X I don't have mistletoe this year, so we'll just have to kiss under the influence.
X Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?
X I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle.
X Who else is hiding in the bathroom at their mom's house drinking?
X They can go ahead and change the name "land line" to "cell phone finder" now.
X You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."
X A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.
X You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn't stolen.
X Gonna hit the showers. You can do whatever you want with that information.
X The downside of fame? I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately getting harassed and hounded by a waiter holding the bill.
X I replied to your event invites with "maybe" because there wasn't a box for "I haven't seen you since high school, leave me alone."
X "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead
X If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.
X Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me.
X Sometimes when a person suddenly has a problem with you, just think the issue isn't really you, it's their meds.
X I bet if you're a stripper, you have panic dreams where you show up in a public place, fully clothed, and you just can't seem to get naked.
X I'm going to learn how to make balloon animals. just in case an emergency situation calls for the most annoying sound in the universe.
X I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.