Funny Status Messages Search

X There's a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the "close this ad" button.

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-25-2012 09:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn't “fun to be around.”

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-21-2012 08:48 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I don't have mistletoe this year, so we'll just have to kiss under the influence.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-15-2011 09:42 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Who else had one of those pens with a million colors, and tried to push all the buttons at once?

<--Rate | Submitted: 06-05-2012 10:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-21-2012 10:29 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Who else is hiding in the bathroom at their mom's house drinking?

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-25-2011 12:09 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X They can go ahead and change the name "land line" to "cell phone finder" now.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-25-2011 16:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-01-2011 13:07 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-18-2011 09:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn't stolen.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-12-2012 11:13 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Gonna hit the showers. You can do whatever you want with that information.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-19-2012 10:39 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X The downside of fame? I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately getting harassed and hounded by a waiter holding the bill.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-17-2011 08:17 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I replied to your event invites with "maybe" because there wasn't a box for "I haven't seen you since high school, leave me alone."

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-23-2012 10:23 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X "Woman impregnated at Motorhead concert seeks father on Craigslist." And they say romance is dead

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-18-2012 11:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-29-2011 21:51 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Every person who ever asked if they were bothering me was bothering me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-24-2012 10:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X Sometimes when a person suddenly has a problem with you, just think the issue isn't really you, it's their meds.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-24-2012 10:30 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I bet if you're a stripper, you have panic dreams where you show up in a public place, fully clothed, and you just can't seem to get naked.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-08-2011 09:47 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I'm going to learn how to make balloon animals. just in case an emergency situation calls for the most annoying sound in the universe.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-20-2011 10:06 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

X I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-30-2011 09:13 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)