Funny Status Messages Search

X It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" as much as it is "When Stupid People Get Bit."

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-08-2010 15:10 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2010 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-24-2010 14:29 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-14-2010 22:43 by Aaron Comments (0)

X At the Photography Studio: "First, we'll shoot you, then we'll blow you up, then you can go home and hang yourself."

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-08-2010 13:24 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-26-2010 16:15 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-02-2010 19:04 by Aaron Comments (0)

X My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-06-2011 17:42 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-10-2012 11:55 by Aaron Comments (0)

X In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-04-2011 10:59 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-16-2010 10:51 by Aaron Comments (0)

X In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says death gotta be easy cause life is hard. It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-26-2010 16:36 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I don't call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-12-2010 15:30 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Pain is nature's way of saying, "Don't do that." Painkillers are mankind's way of saying, "Just watch me."

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-03-2011 11:34 by Aaron Comments (0)

X On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-27-2011 20:46 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-05-2011 19:17 by Aaron Comments (2)

X says don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-28-2010 21:08 by Aaron Comments (0)

X When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-24-2011 23:13 by Aaron Comments (0)

X A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-28-2010 13:37 by Aaron Comments (0)