Funny Status Messages Search
Filter On | Filter Off
Search results for status messages containing 'Aaron': View All Messages
Page: 9 of 40
X It's not "When Wild Animals Attack!" as much as it is "When Stupid People Get Bit."
X says A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."
X says Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
X Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.
X At the Photography Studio: "First, we'll shoot you, then we'll blow you up, then you can go home and hang yourself."
X Like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.
X says I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.
X My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
X I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
X In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.
X I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.
X In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
X says death gotta be easy cause life is hard. It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred
X I don't call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
X Pain is nature's way of saying, "Don't do that." Painkillers are mankind's way of saying, "Just watch me."
X On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
X Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.
X says don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
X When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry.
X A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.