Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 9 of 6280

Johnny Depp is the one guy that could've used an amber alert.
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05-17-2022 10:10
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If you don’t have time to pull over and fight, don’t honk your horn at me.
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05-24-2022 22:55
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The key to happiness? Stay away from idiots.
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05-25-2022 03:02
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Saw a store sign that read, “We treat you like family.” Well, NOT going in there.
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05-07-2022 22:08
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If you’re 50+ it’s time to leave them young girls alone and get yourself a woman that recognizes the signs of a stroke.
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05-19-2022 07:31
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The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.
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05-20-2022 05:27
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Doctor: Says here you get offended by strangers on the internet. I’m writing you a prescription for two testicles.
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05-24-2022 22:58
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If you’re afraid to live your life, then you have already died.
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05-29-2022 00:41
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Coffee so strong, that for like 4 minutes you have hope.
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05-29-2022 00:41
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Want to get back on your feet? Miss two car payments.
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06-03-2022 02:53
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When you’re on your 8th “dam, that’s crazy,” and they’re still telling you their story.
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06-14-2022 02:58
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I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.
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07-07-2022 00:58
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The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier it’s laws.
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05-13-2022 03:01
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Wish I was a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.
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05-15-2022 02:43
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When your girl takes her top off, but the antidepressants have killed your sex drive. Boobies, yes, I remember.
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05-15-2022 02:44
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I’m sorry, the internet has ruined me. Whenever you say “shingles,” all I see in my head is Sean Connery scrolling through a dating app.
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05-29-2022 00:43
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Catch Some Z's ~ It was first used to represent snoring and sleep in a 1903 comic strip called Katzenjammer Kids. Comic book artists used “z” in their work because of its association with the English idiom “sawing wood.”
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05-29-2022 00:43
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The trash gets picked up tomorrow, be ready.
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07-07-2022 00:58
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Her: Is your stomach flat? Him: Yeah, just the “L” is silent.
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06-05-2022 02:52
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Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.
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05-19-2022 07:31
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