Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Stop bringing crappy Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came out into the woods to hear Katy Perry.
←Rate | 04-17-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we get invaded by space aliens, I’m immediately defecting to the alien side, sorry.
←Rate | 04-27-2022 01:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You wanna listen to some Pop Country, or would you rather go to China and lick some doorknobs?
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from food, not relationships.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 02:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, you’re made of star stuff, but so is garbage, so calm down.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At the store: “OMG haven’t seen you in forever! Let’s stand in everyone’s way!”
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are you listening to broken headphones? So, people don’t talk to me.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If they say it’s impossible, it’s impossible for them, not for you.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When your fart smells like death and you’re waiting for your friend to smell it.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most of being an adult is whispering “f*ck this” while doing it anyway. 😏
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:37 Comments (0)  

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