Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 9 of 6357

Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
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01-06-2023 19:59
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“I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
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01-07-2023 12:20
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Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
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05-22-2022 03:45
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I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
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06-07-2022 12:07
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Jurassic World is about a pharma company that uses a DNA-altering pathogen to destroy farmland and deliberately cause a worldwide food crisis to force everyone to buy their products. Science Fiction is Fun!
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06-20-2022 03:31
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Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
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07-23-2022 23:29
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You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
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01-23-2023 03:43
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Lady: How did you fix that horrible annoying noise my car was making? Auto Technician: We simply removed your Taylor Swift CD and replaced it with Van Halen. 😎
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01-24-2023 00:16
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Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
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04-22-2022 00:13
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Cats are starting pyramid schemes and dogs are falling for them.
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04-22-2022 23:19
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Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
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01-18-2023 18:49
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An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
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06-05-2022 02:54
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China Hut: People that don’t like cats, just haven’t had them prepared properly.
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06-08-2022 01:36
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Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
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06-19-2022 02:39
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When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
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06-24-2022 23:15
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When someone says, stop living in the past, I say, but the music was so much better then.
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06-26-2022 00:12
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Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
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01-23-2023 03:45
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My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
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01-23-2023 03:04
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If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
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01-10-2023 02:21
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You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
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06-21-2022 22:44
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