Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 9 of 6339

Stop bringing crappy Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came out into the woods to hear Katy Perry.
←Rate |
04-17-2022 00:55
Comments (0)

A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.
←Rate |
06-24-2022 23:13
Comments (0)

If we get invaded by space aliens, I’m immediately defecting to the alien side, sorry.
←Rate |
04-27-2022 01:12
Comments (0)

You wanna listen to some Pop Country, or would you rather go to China and lick some doorknobs?
←Rate |
06-26-2022 00:13
Comments (0)

Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate |
01-08-2023 16:19
Comments (0)

Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
←Rate |
07-01-2022 01:49
Comments (0)

Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
←Rate |
01-24-2023 00:21
Comments (0)

If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from food, not relationships.
←Rate |
04-11-2022 02:13
Comments (0)

Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 00:17
Comments (0)

Yeah, you’re made of star stuff, but so is garbage, so calm down.
←Rate |
06-07-2022 02:05
Comments (0)

At the store: “OMG haven’t seen you in forever! Let’s stand in everyone’s way!”
←Rate |
07-01-2022 01:46
Comments (0)

2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
←Rate |
06-19-2022 02:36
Comments (0)

Why are you listening to broken headphones? So, people don’t talk to me.
←Rate |
04-20-2022 12:30
Comments (0)

If they say it’s impossible, it’s impossible for them, not for you.
←Rate |
04-22-2022 23:20
Comments (0)

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain is good news for you.
←Rate |
07-08-2022 09:05
Comments (0)

Her: Undress me with your words. Him: There’s a spider in your bra.
←Rate |
06-08-2022 01:38
Comments (0)

When your fart smells like death and you’re waiting for your friend to smell it.
←Rate |
06-24-2022 23:14
Comments (0)

Most of being an adult is whispering “f*ck this” while doing it anyway. 😏
←Rate |
01-24-2023 00:17
Comments (0)

Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell in the floor.
←Rate |
06-21-2022 22:45
Comments (0)

You can’t leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution.
←Rate |
06-19-2022 02:37
Comments (0)