Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Drivers ignoring winter conditions, may be subject to natural selection.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “I want the truth!” Independent fact checkers, with the direction of the FBI, have concluded that you can’t handle the truth.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 12:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jurassic World is about a pharma company that uses a DNA-altering pathogen to destroy farmland and deliberately cause a worldwide food crisis to force everyone to buy their products. Science Fiction is Fun!
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your handwriting is just your hand’s accent.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lady: How did you fix that horrible annoying noise my car was making? Auto Technician: We simply removed your Taylor Swift CD and replaced it with Van Halen. 😎
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently, “the vibes are off” isn’t a good enough excuse to leave work early.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cats are starting pyramid schemes and dogs are falling for them.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 18:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon China Hut: People that don’t like cats, just haven’t had them prepared properly.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife just told me that her birthday is tomorrow. Wow, like maybe more of a heads-up next time.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When someone says, stop living in the past, I say, but the music was so much better then.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you stay silent and fail to rock the boat in this war between good and evil; your life might be easier, but your children’s won’t.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You’re not really supposed to do this, but this is what I do. Me: Training a new person at work.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:44 Comments (0)  

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