Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   If it's foggy out and you are driving without your headlights on, I pray you don't find a "good" parking space this holiday season.

   The only good thing about the fog, is you can pull off the road and piss without being judged by others.

   To anyone who would risk their lives for their country foreign or domestic, I tip my hat to you.

   I love my wife, and God bless her for packing my lunch. But when you whip out a fruit roll up on a construction site, you get looks!

   It's so hot here, gangsters are doing drive bys with squirt guns.

   As an ex-construction worker, when I see a "lost" cone on the roadway a little piece of me dies inside.

   I had a falling out with a co-worker when he found out I slept with his sister. We're cool now. He is even teaching me Spanish. Now I can order steak(Soy un idiota que tiene sexo con las vacas). Thanks Javier!!

   I have Park Place and Boardwalk from McDonald's Monopoly game. I don't play these stupid games, so if you want them inbox me.

   I quit smoking by switching to sunflower seeds. Cured my smoking habit, but now I have a strange desire to want to sh!t on newspaper...

   You know you're country when you use a horse trailer to move.

   Health Tip: rubbing fruit in the palms of your hands is not a safe alternative to washing with water.

   Dear Skoal Tobacco Co: Can you please come up with a pouch with a 50/50 mix of tobacco and coffee grounds? Thanks

   Just heard on the news we're still waiting on news of the falling satellite. Anyone know where Bruce Willis is?

   Don't you hate when you're driving and smell oil or a hot radiator and then automatically assume it's "your" car.

   Just watched the movie Scarface. I'm not one to judge, but if you use your entire hand to make the line you might have a drug problem.

   Remember back in the day when you would make a collect call and try to yell the info to the other party before you were disconnected?

   Okay, Brand, Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did!

   If you want to insure you work in the field, bring something that needs to be microwaved for lunch :/

   If you call my house and fail to leave a message, you deserve to be screened.

   If you're a thug driving a luxury SUV fully customized, don't be surprised when I question the legitimacy of your income.