Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Every time I see you text/type "lyk dis" instead of like this, I assume you were that kid that went to the restroom and didn't come back until the end of Spelling and English class.

   Went to a Real life party and I knew everybody there. Went to a Facebook party and saw most of my friends. Went to a Twitter party and didn't know anybody there. Went to a Myspace party and I was the only one there.

   Just walk up to a blonde and tell her to say "Alpha kenny Body" really fast.

   How come when they kill a fetus during conception it's an abortion, but if it's a chicken, its an omelette....or scrambled eggs?

   The 5th Commandment, Thou shall not kill...Murder. But isn't it funny that more people have been killed in the name of God then in any other event ever on this planet.

   [How Most Wars Have Started Between Countries] "You believe in God?", "No" , (BANG!!). or "You believe in God?" , "Yes" , "You believe in MY God?" , "No" , (BANG!!)

   Just remember...when you're sitting down praying to be someone else, someone else is praying to be you.

   If you have to steal something. then it's obvious you never needed it in the first place.

   You use your phone as a flashlight at night and hit random buttons to keep it lit.

   Clerk: Hi, welcome To McDonalds, what can I get you? Me: Yeah, can I get half a dozen chicken nuggets please? Clerk: Oh I'm sorry, we only serve 6, 10 or 20-piece. Me: So you can't serve me half a dozen chicken nuggets? Clerk: No sir Me: OK, interesting.

   True Beauty = (Woman + Confidence) - Make Up

   Interesting how you can't say "prick" on TV as a noun or calling someone the name. You can say you got a prick on your finger just don't say you fingered a prick.

   You have six kids with six different fathers and you're on this online dating site looking for a honest and committed man with no kids...ok..good luck....

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   if a person starts a sentence with, "Not to sound like an a**hole..." Guess what they're gonna sound like....?

   [Average Salaries] U.S. Soldier: $54,000....U.S. Congressman: $174,000 (Not counting bonuses)....What's wrong with this picture..?

   Everytime you tell someone they got a piece of food on the side of their face, they always start wiping the opposite side of where its located....then you just wanna punch them for still not getting it.

   You ever go to sleep late afternoon and wake up after dark....and you don't know what damn day it is?

   FACT: Toilet paper is more useful than your precious college degree. At least an "a**hole" would always hire a roll for to pay off his "sh*t" not student loan debt.

   You ever notice sometimes all day on Wednesday you keep thinking its Thursday? Then when Thursday comes, you're al right again.