jitney Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon called your boyfriend gay, and he marked up my car with lipstick.
←Rate | 02-19-2012 12:55 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon That ackward moment when you send a specific text to the wrong person.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 16:33 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? I pulled up next to this chick in the car putting on mascara and it just didnt look right with those yellow teeth!
←Rate | 12-20-2011 01:07 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Watching this growing TOP CIA scandal is proof that women secretly runs the world!!!
←Rate | 11-13-2012 19:32 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon No more wet foot, dry foot for the Cubans #obamasfarewell
←Rate | 01-12-2017 18:50 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife
←Rate | 01-19-2017 22:38 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kids nextdoor challenged me to a water balloon fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for mine to come out of the freezer..
←Rate | 10-21-2016 21:17 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Polarized glasses for sale. Not used at all. Need money for Powerball!!
←Rate | 08-23-2017 20:13 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:36 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone is the same color when the lights are off......
←Rate | 02-05-2012 22:44 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I failed my driver's test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Texts and check Facebookk."
←Rate | 05-13-2013 15:13 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary bumped into Trump on the way to the White House and she said "Pardon me"...He Replied, "You want another Pardon?"
←Rate | 10-21-2016 12:50 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon People, I'm late for everything!!! I would make the worst period.
←Rate | 01-14-2014 20:42 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon tried to kill a spider by drowning it, but it looked at me and asked, "Where's the soap?"
←Rate | 09-14-2012 17:57 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.
←Rate | 11-15-2012 16:07 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dont see what's the big deal about Bath Salt Water... I tried it and nothing happened, but I gotta tell ya..... Everything sure looks like CHICKEN!!!
←Rate | 06-30-2012 03:46 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my pennis and asked me what was I doing.....Apparently, "heating your dinner!" was not a good answer!
←Rate | 11-21-2012 15:31 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon You ever typed slower than your mind thinks? Yeah that just happened to me...... It was funny in my head, but when I read it I was like...clearly to much beer!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 00:20 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife was complaining that she isnt in shape!!!! Now I sleep on the sofa, becuase I told her Round is a shape!
←Rate | 04-06-2013 14:29 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife sent me a pic of her new outfit and asked me "if it made her look big?" I texted her back "Nooo" Obviously...but it got auto-corrected to "Moo"
←Rate | 12-10-2016 20:29 by jitney Comments (0)  

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