jitney Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife
←Rate | 01-19-2017 22:38 by Jitney Comments (0)  

←Rate | 06-06-2016 00:28 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you ever notice how everything in life just keeps shrinking? Even in the Hip-Hop world. It used to be 'Biggie Smalls, Big Pun, Fat Joe. Then it was lil jon, lil kim, liil wayne. 15yrs from now its gonig to be, 1PAC, BalemicBob, AtomMike, SpermSpewed!
←Rate | 01-14-2014 21:04 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part of this superbowl tonight was Facebook and Instagram!
←Rate | 02-02-2014 21:57 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chicken Omelette - a vendetta against the chicken race! Usually when a contract chicken killer who has it in for the chicken, to not only take out a hen's eggs, but to stuff it with chicken! 2 generations of chicken dead!
←Rate | 06-23-2014 18:49 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon called your boyfriend gay, and he marked up my car with lipstick.
←Rate | 02-19-2012 12:55 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon That ackward moment when you send a specific text to the wrong person.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 16:33 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? I pulled up next to this chick in the car putting on mascara and it just didnt look right with those yellow teeth!
←Rate | 12-20-2011 01:07 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gas is $4.39 a gallon.... And girls think we're coming over to Just chill???
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:36 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone is the same color when the lights are off......
←Rate | 02-05-2012 22:44 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I failed my driver's test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Texts and check Facebookk."
←Rate | 05-13-2013 15:13 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hillary bumped into Trump on the way to the White House and she said "Pardon me"...He Replied, "You want another Pardon?"
←Rate | 10-21-2016 12:50 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon People, I'm late for everything!!! I would make the worst period.
←Rate | 01-14-2014 20:42 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon tried to kill a spider by drowning it, but it looked at me and asked, "Where's the soap?"
←Rate | 09-14-2012 17:57 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.
←Rate | 11-15-2012 16:07 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon I dont see what's the big deal about Bath Salt Water... I tried it and nothing happened, but I gotta tell ya..... Everything sure looks like CHICKEN!!!
←Rate | 06-30-2012 03:46 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend just caught me blow-drying my pennis and asked me what was I doing.....Apparently, "heating your dinner!" was not a good answer!
←Rate | 11-21-2012 15:31 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife was complaining that she isnt in shape!!!! Now I sleep on the sofa, becuase I told her Round is a shape!
←Rate | 04-06-2013 14:29 by Jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon You ever typed slower than your mind thinks? Yeah that just happened to me...... It was funny in my head, but when I read it I was like...clearly to much beer!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 00:20 by jitney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife sent me a pic of her new outfit and asked me "if it made her look big?" I texted her back "Nooo" Obviously...but it got auto-corrected to "Moo"
←Rate | 12-10-2016 20:29 by jitney Comments (0)  

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