huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon FACT: I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 19:09 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm reading the ingredients on a can of dog food, and I'm shocked to see that 17% of it is "kids' homework".
←Rate | 02-24-2013 08:23 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
←Rate | 03-12-2015 05:40 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t try calling me back after you miss my call. I make 3 calls a year. You blew it.
←Rate | 09-09-2014 05:26 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you expect me to answer an actual phone call you're gonna have to give me at least 3 days warning
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:29 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most fascinating thing I remember from my childhood is the amount of people Coolio fit into his trunk that day he went on a Fantastic Voyage.
←Rate | 03-16-2013 08:24 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is normally when Tony Romo is visited by 3 ghosts. The ghost of December Failures past, present and future.
←Rate | 12-07-2013 07:31 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
←Rate | 06-04-2014 05:39 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
←Rate | 03-18-2014 05:18 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Had to sneeze but it never came out and now I'm afraid it's traveling around my body trying to find another exit.
←Rate | 09-07-2013 07:19 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's funny how "You're so funny" turns into "You think everything's a joke" in just 3 months...
←Rate | 03-30-2015 04:49 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If at first you don't succeed, lie and say you did.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 06:17 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm doing laundry for the whole family. (Not my family - I'm at my neighbors. They're going to be very surprised.)
←Rate | 12-05-2013 22:05 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cat burglars commit daring robberies with stealthy skills, while kitten burglars are so cute people just give them stuff.
←Rate | 08-07-2012 08:57 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon While reciting the alphabet, we all turn into rappers when we get to L M N O P. That's the gangsta part.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 06:00 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got lost in your eyes...but I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it
←Rate | 12-24-2016 20:57 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am glad to say that even after all these years. I still follow Bell Biv Devoe's advice on not trusting a big butt and a smile
←Rate | 01-19-2014 16:28 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know what makes me smile? My face muscles.
←Rate | 12-03-2012 06:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
←Rate | 10-02-2013 05:47 by huck Comments (0)  

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