Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
←Rate | 11-25-2019 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.
←Rate | 11-23-2019 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So it's not a good idea to shoot finger guns at a man that's driving an armored truck. I know that now.
←Rate | 01-09-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Science, You cloned a sheep named Dolly when you could have cloned a llama. A llama named Dolly. A Dolly Llama. That is all. Send.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know if a website really likes you or only wants you for your data
←Rate | 01-13-2020 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have OCD and ADD. Which means everything has to be perfect, but not for very long..
←Rate | 01-15-2020 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t think my wife realizes that the FREE SEX coupons I gave her last Valentine’s Day are about to expire.
←Rate | 02-12-2020 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you’re worried about the elderly and realize that you ARE the elderly.
←Rate | 03-17-2020 12:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.
←Rate | 03-19-2020 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it
←Rate | 04-10-2020 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid 19 it will leave.
←Rate | 04-15-2020 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look
←Rate | 04-17-2020 05:59 by raman911 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2020: A masked guy puts lasagna in your trunk and then you drive away.
←Rate | 04-17-2020 06:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know how you ladies can pluck your eyebrows out.. I just pulled a stray moustache hair and cried like a little girl
←Rate | 06-22-2020 22:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.
←Rate | 06-29-2020 11:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me 9am, "I think I'll make roasted chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner."... Me 5pm, "Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery..."
←Rate | 07-13-2020 18:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  




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