Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 86 of 6387
Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
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04-17-2018 04:50
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Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
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04-17-2018 09:23
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Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
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04-18-2018 14:49
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The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
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12-06-2019 09:10
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The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
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11-25-2019 13:48
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I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.
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11-23-2019 07:12
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So it's not a good idea to shoot finger guns at a man that's driving an armored truck. I know that now.
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01-09-2020 08:05
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Dear Science, You cloned a sheep named Dolly when you could have cloned a llama. A llama named Dolly. A Dolly Llama. That is all. Send.
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01-13-2020 09:20
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How do you know if a website really likes you or only wants you for your data
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01-13-2020 16:25
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I have OCD and ADD. Which means everything has to be perfect, but not for very long..
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01-15-2020 07:12
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I don’t think my wife realizes that the FREE SEX coupons I gave her last Valentine’s Day are about to expire.
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02-12-2020 08:00
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That moment when you’re worried about the elderly and realize that you ARE the elderly.
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03-17-2020 12:24
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I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.
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03-19-2020 08:28
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when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it
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04-10-2020 11:34
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Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid 19 it will leave.
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04-15-2020 08:33
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The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look
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04-17-2020 05:59 by raman911
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2020: A masked guy puts lasagna in your trunk and then you drive away.
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04-17-2020 06:37
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I don't know how you ladies can pluck your eyebrows out.. I just pulled a stray moustache hair and cried like a little girl
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06-22-2020 22:20
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Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.
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06-29-2020 11:45
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Me 9am, "I think I'll make roasted chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner."... Me 5pm, "Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery..."
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07-13-2020 18:58 by Gabe
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