bego Funny Status Messages

   ‎"I faked all my LOLs." -A Facebook romance comes to a dramatic end.

   Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . .  have fun

   Dear iPhone, Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shutSincerely, Every iPhone User .

   Quick question: Is there anyone out there who has NOT gotten engaged, divorced or pregnant in 2012?

   I never worry about money. What's the sense of worrying about something you don't have?

   The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.

   34 days until the world ends. LETS GOOO

   You want to see a perfect relationship? Watch a damn movie

   Fine don't text me back then. It's not like I'm obsessively checking my damn phone or anything.

   I text my Ex yesterday and she didn't text back..Obviously she passed out of excitement!

   We live in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad... I fear for the future.

   Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone. 

   RUMORS are carried by HATERS, spread by FOOLS and accepted by IDIOTS.

   Facebook needs a “remove from existence” button. That way I don't have to see their posts on mutual friends' walls, and I can just forget that they even exist

   College was the most expensive nap I ever took.

   A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.

   About 50% of the time “good luck” means “effff you.”

   Reading someone's status and thinking ‘OH CRY ME A RIVER'

   I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

   Someone told me a while back. Your not in a relationship unless its official on Facebook. I just wanted to slap em right there.