Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
←Rate | 09-08-2017 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
←Rate | 08-05-2017 13:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm amazed that my iPhone suddenly stopped working just in time as the new iPhone came out.
←Rate | 08-31-2020 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa! Wake me up if there is an emergency like the world‘s about to get normal
←Rate | 10-02-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My 10yo rejected a pair of socks because she could “feel the polka dots” if you’re wondering what the girl from The Princess and the Pea is up to these days.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Currently at a pumpkin farm that has 800 activities for kids & zero alcohol for parents. What level of hell is this?
←Rate | 10-05-2020 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I have to be awake, everyone has to be awake. – birds
←Rate | 12-10-2020 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
←Rate | 01-07-2018 23:08 by Depirts Comments (0)  


   messageicon Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
←Rate | 01-12-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Countries should not send athletes to the Olympics as a reward, but should send stupid people as a punishment. Your annoying coworker? Ski jumping. Natural selection as its best
←Rate | 02-15-2018 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saved a$1,375.00 on my Visa card by not going to Disney World .
←Rate | 02-17-2018 15:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I am contemplating how much longer I would live if someone shouted "Run for your life!"
←Rate | 03-06-2018 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 10:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
←Rate | 11-25-2019 13:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.
←Rate | 11-23-2019 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So it's not a good idea to shoot finger guns at a man that's driving an armored truck. I know that now.
←Rate | 01-09-2020 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Science, You cloned a sheep named Dolly when you could have cloned a llama. A llama named Dolly. A Dolly Llama. That is all. Send.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 09:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know if a website really likes you or only wants you for your data
←Rate | 01-13-2020 16:25 Comments (0)  




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