Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 85 of 6452

   messageicon The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
←Rate | 09-08-2017 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‪I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison. ‬
←Rate | 03-19-2019 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In China it's considered bad luck to be eaten by a lion.
←Rate | 02-26-2016 23:16 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone romaine calm and lettuce pray.
←Rate | 11-22-2018 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.
←Rate | 12-23-2018 15:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while bears get to use Charmin?
←Rate | 02-10-2019 19:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett
←Rate | 02-22-2019 21:27 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
←Rate | 02-27-2019 07:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
←Rate | 05-05-2019 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.
←Rate | 08-27-2019 04:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single white sock seeks same.
←Rate | 09-06-2019 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to wash my car in my driveway but then I realized I don't own a halter top or cut-off shorts.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
←Rate | 01-07-2018 23:08 by Depirts Comments (0)  


   messageicon Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
←Rate | 01-12-2018 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
←Rate | 01-17-2018 03:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Countries should not send athletes to the Olympics as a reward, but should send stupid people as a punishment. Your annoying coworker? Ski jumping. Natural selection as its best
←Rate | 02-15-2018 11:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saved a$1,375.00 on my Visa card by not going to Disney World .
←Rate | 02-17-2018 15:37 Comments (0)  




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