Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I'm still trying to figure out my wife's logic from an argument we had in 2003.

   Got down from my car to beat up the guy who took my parking space then I realized he's a UFC fighter so I said "does your car need washing?"

   I'm just a boy, standing in front of a hole, wondering if I might find glory on the other side.

   If you're a good enough cook, fat people will let you pet them while they're eating.

   I'll put my phone down when I'm dead on the outside too

   Hey kids, see that new sports car over there? Well your old man got a promotion today & got some new glasses so I also see the car. nice car

   She put me in the family zone, which would be cool if we were in Kentucky.

   First rule of the fight club should be: "Do not eat beans before the fight"

   I am a woman, hear me sharpen my claws.

   *at the cat shelter* Yes hi, where are the shopping carts?

   Don’t text and drive. You’ll misspell a lot of words and people will be like wow I don’t respect this guy.

   Ladys, can you PLEASE keep your dam toenails clipped, I'm tired of em scratching my dam ears!

   When I say I'm going to "woo" you, it's a reference to my love for John Woo films, so I'll be punching you & throwing doves in your face.

   There are 2 types of clowns: registered & unregistered sex offenders

   Cats probably get mad that they have to pay an assassin 9 times for one job.

   I don't know why Sluts have a hard time Saying "No". They heard the word "No" everytime they asked their Dads for a hug.

   Girlfriend said "Do you want to go to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert?" & I said "Do you want to have a different boyfriend that isn't me"

   If only chubby chasers actually chased chubby people... Then we wouldn't have such a problem with obesity.

   Say it to my face coward, not through your status.

   Bros over Hoes! ...Unless she's not a hoe.