bego Funny Status Messages

   I'm not fat. My stomach is 3D

   I can't live without: ✔ Food ✔ Music ✔ Oxygen ✔ Water ✔ Internet ❒ You

   Hey mom?” “WHAT!?” “Nevermind you`re not in a good mood.

   Girls don't fart. That sound you hear is actually baby unicorns being released into the world to sprinkle sugar on cookies.

   I come up with all my best ideas when I'm drunk.

   Its funny how some people can talk crap behind your back and then act like they got your back when they see you.

   Plan for tonight: 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2. figure the rest out later

   Saw this person's photo on Facebook & I thought to myself ” DAMN I'D HIT THAT “……with a truck. “

   You get in the biggest fights with the people you care about the most, because they are the relationships you're willing to fight for.

   I'd like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.

   Trying to find a good time to tell my dog he is adopted...

   So many things remind me of You, mostly when I sit on the toilet.

   Girls have periods, cramps, babies, and everything else. The least a guy could do is text her first

   When you hear people speak in another language: 6% I wish I could speak that. 94% Those b**ches better not be talking about me...

   BEST EXCUSE: I didn't scream out someone else's name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant...

   When I was little, I wanted to be a UPS man when I grew up because they get to drive around all day with no doors. Now I'm really glad my car has doors.

   Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.

   I just pictured my life.....and there isn't room for you in the frame.

   Unfriended me? Wow, you sure showed m

   Before Facebook we all had to lie about how happy we are in person.