sean Funny Status Messages
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Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, it's okay, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say.
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01-10-2012 17:22 by SEAN
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For those of you concerned about my upcoming birthday and struggling for ideas as to what to get me this year, I have registered for gifts at the liquor store…
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04-04-2012 16:56 by SEAN
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As for my solicitation of prostitution charge Your Honor, I would like it dismissed under of the Dire Straits "Chicks for free" act of 1985.
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07-11-2012 09:54 by SEAN
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I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic...
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10-14-2015 13:31 by SEAN
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Everyday, I brush my teeth & say "That's it. You can't squeeze anymore toothpaste out of this tube." Then everyday, I do.
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03-02-2012 10:25 by SEAN
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HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are.
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03-05-2013 08:46 by SEAN
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"We have to get together sometime!" is a just another way of saying, "I regret running into you."
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08-20-2013 11:08 by SEAN
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Hackers leak rare photos of Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus wearing clothing.
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09-27-2014 15:40 by SEAN
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my bodies a temple...Well more like a catholic church,, full of wine bread and guilt...
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08-21-2017 19:18 by SEAN
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Saw a sign in the bus station today, it said ‘One bus takes 35 cars off the road’ personally I think it depends how aggressive the driver is…
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07-08-2016 08:01 by SEAN
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Dear kids snorting rubbers don't worry,, Your parents didn't know how to use them properly either...
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04-05-2018 18:18 by SEAN
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In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
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09-01-2016 08:46 by SEAN
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I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
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11-16-2011 11:14 by SEAN
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I gave my wife a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she's still not talking to me.
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05-25-2012 10:37 by SEAN
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Let's leave Florida out of it next time. They've got enough on their plate, no need to burden them with national concerns.
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11-08-2012 07:58 by SEAN
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Chris Brown is adding vocals from Aaliyah to his new song. Congratulations on making a plane crash the 2nd worst thing to happen to Aaliyah.
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06-04-2013 14:14 by SEAN
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If you're going to carry on a cellphone conversation in the men's room you can count on me to make HORRIBLE noises and flush every two seconds.
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03-29-2012 11:20 by SEAN
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I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant could also be called I Didn't Realize I Was Retarded.
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08-27-2012 11:41 by SEAN
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If you're using a shopping cart at the liquor store I'm going to hit on you
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01-16-2015 08:28 by SEAN
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My favorite Black Friday tradition is watching the day's Walmart tramplings on the evening news.
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11-19-2012 15:38 by SEAN
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