moon Funny Status Messages

   I'm so old when I was a kid the only kind of positive post we knew was on a car battery.

   Don't forget to wave smile and wish your neighbors a Merry Christmas who are kind like Facebook friends you might not really know either, but live closer.

   Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.

   Men are NOT pigs. Pigs are gentle sensitive and intelligent animals.

   With the new year my plan is to conquer a mountain! also known as finish folding the clean cloths piling up on top of the dryer.

   I'm so old when I was a kid the World Wide Web was connected by a string, and two cups.

   I just got gas for $1.99! And no it wasn't at Taco Bell.

   I just burnt 330 calories in about 30 minutes. And thats the last time I look at facebook with a pizza in the oven!

   I'm so old I just sit around and look at Facebook all day.... like younger people do nowadays.

   My doctor says I need to cut back on my gluten. Over my bread body!

   For Sale. Slightly used Christmas tree. Prefer to do socially distance exchange and will place in front of house for you pickup. Leave money in neighbor's mailbox.

   Come join the world wide movement called "I pledge to bend over and pick up a random piece of garbage on the street or wherever I see it" movement. Like and share if you like to join!

   Taking things to the thrift store. But first I have to drive around with it in the back of my car for the next 3 months.

   I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?

   I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m

   I can predict the future, for example, sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ oʇ sʎɐʍǝpıs pɐǝɥ ɹnoʎ uɹnʇ pןnoʍ noʎ ʍǝuʞ I

   The cashier asked if I'd like my milk in a bag to whom I replied "No thanks, I think it would be easier to carry home in the container."

   One good thing about daylight savings time is the clock in my car is finally correct!

   Love when I take the time to type out a long text message to a friend and they reply with "K"

   I put the thingamajig in the whatchamacallit and turned doohickey and wuteveritis still doesn't work. Any ideas?