jitney Funny Status Messages

   I love the surprised look on a woman's face when I tell her that she drew her eyebrows too high.

   I feel a jokeke for Chris Brown and Ray Rice Rice coming up. hmmm...maybe after I finish this Brown Rice, I'll knock it out!

   Anyone knows how taco shells make it through days on a shelf of a warehouse without breaking, but as soon as it ends up on my plate with some meat in it, it falls apart into pieces? (-__-)

   The Book of ELI, was opened in the Fourth Quarter of the SuperBowl!!!!

   Its like a million Nicki Minaj snuck in at the SuperBowl show.....

   If you have a craving for Pringles & Sardines at 3am in the morning..... you just smoked some bad weed, thats all!

   Shout out to whoever got these gas prices down in July. now lets hit da two dollar mark.

   A car pulled over. The driver anxiously asked me: "What is the shortest way to South Miami hospital." I said: " Close your eyes and keep driving."

   Craziest superstition I ever heard - whatever you doing when the New Years come, that's gonna what you do for the rest of the year! So does anyone wanna go drinking with me on New Years?

   If a ex-wife is laying in your bed, gasping for air and calling out your name, then you might want to hold the pillow down some more.

   If you think that age is just a number, then prison is just a house .

   No wonder, the Chinese took the medal in Table Tennis in the olympics....their use to seeing small balls going back n forth.

   Great first it was the Movie theater early this yr, then the Mall random shootings, no its kids at the elementary level...... Can we put praying back in school now?

   I dont have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bulllllshhhiittttts!

   In Miami: We had a great winter season lastnight, can't wait 'til next year.

   Welcome to Chik-Fila, doesn't really matters what you all protest for, as long as you EAT MORE CHICKEN!!

   No more wet foot, dry foot for the Cubans #obamasfarewell

   "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife

   Kids nextdoor challenged me to a water balloon fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for mine to come out of the freezer..

   Polarized glasses for sale. Not used at all. Need money for Powerball!!