hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   I'm just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.

   This morning I was standing in front of a mirror looking at my naked body and thinking… “I'm going to get thrown out of this Ikea pretty soon.”

   Ladies. dont jump to conclusions that your boyfriend is cheating just because he never wants you to look at his phone. Its probably just full of porn

   Don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the results.

   When I'm ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring far longer than usual.

   I stop at random Jehovah's Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.

   You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.

   just took crocs off a man sleeping in the airport & threw them in the trash because it was the right thing to do

   I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.

   If I'm ever in an accident while driving and updating my status and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press "Post."

   My parents told me I couldn't be a pirate when I grew up. My movie and music collection says otherwise.

   If you're at a party and people start chanting your name, you're obligated to do anything they want you to do

   Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked "algeber". I'm sure she excelled in English class though.

   I have 4 missed calls from my mom. A rescue team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting in my underwear on my couch eating cheetos any minute now.

   Your bedazzled iphone lets me know the music in it sucks.

   Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.

   The back of every furniture assembly manual should have a coupon for couples counseling.

   On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.

   There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let's dance.

   When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.