Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   This time of year makes me miss the two guys from the old Miller's Outpost commercials.

   I take an on ramp to the freeway as if I'm heading to the checkered flag...wish everyone else did!!

   I'm trying not to judge, but your silver front teeth scream "Medi-Cal".

   I need to get a gun rack for the work truck to hold two things important in my life right now...job prints and my fishing pole.

   Hey Janet Lehman, how about I send you MY program for free? It's called a BELT!! You're welcome

   Just once, I'd like to look at the ingredients of a bottled water and see the words "Sea Monkeys".

   May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts. And if he cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping.

   Today's irony: listening to Skynard's "That smell" as I'm driving by Harris Beefs stockyard.

   I almost caused an accident trying to open a piece of candy. Can you imagine dying over a Lemon Starburst? #ultimatefail

   When first talking to your kids about Santa, don't say he's God's drunk brother in law. Trust me...

   In light of the higher gas prices, the rapper "Fifty-Cent" will now be known as 1/16th of a Gallon. That is all...

   I think my pet bird just called me a murderer.

   There will soon come a time were I can not voice my OPINION by saying,"I HATE vile Brussels Sprouts!!" For fear of offending Farmers and the general population. So consider yourselves informed.

   Signing off, my Wife says I need to finish my bath. Peace out Peeps

   I'm gon' do it, gon' do it Gon' do it, do it, do it

   Funny fat guy fall on face! -The Hangover

   If your significant other wont swallow the milk left over in a bowl of cereal, chances are that's not all they won't swallow.

   If your name is on your shirt, you are considered lower class. If it's on the door where you work you're middle class. If it's on the building, upper class(looks at shirt) Crap!!!

   I BUY all my cassettes at truck stops. Suck it SOPA

   If you want to insure you work in the field, bring something that needs to be microwaved for lunch :/