jitney Funny Status Messages

   The New TV show the "HOSTAGE" should of been about how government hold its Citizens hostage....Oh wait a minute... isnt it?

   Just like the Government....I feel shut-down when my wife talks too much too....

   if you didn't hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don't invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.

   Anyone knows how taco shells make it through days on a shelf of a warehouse without breaking, but as soon as it ends up on my plate with some meat in it, it falls apart into pieces? (-__-)

   A wife turned down an offer to bury her husband in the Holy Land for $75. When asked why she paid $17,000 to buried him in the US, she said, "she heard a story of a Man who was ressurected back in the day!"

   Did you ever think just maybe...just maybe... that the shark attacked you cuz you in his kitchen? Its not like he comes inside your house and swims in your kitchen,... and if that ever happened its called "Tuna Surprise Dinner!"

   Wanna get homeless people excercise and running?....Tell em "FREE SHOES"

   It only two dangling thingys and I still dont know which one to pull....-ceiling fans all over the world!

   Im sitting on the bus minding my own business, until I pull out my Ipad...Long story short, I have 20 extra friends playing candy crush with me now!

   I hear a bunch of weird animals, beeps, and clicking. Wish me luck people, I'm going into walmart......

   you've got to walk through the door of uncertainty in order to get your punishment or reward,depending on how you look at it....

   "Knock knock", "who's there?", "Weekend", "Weekend who?", "We can wish it was the weekend, but its MOnday!"

   I hate when people asks me: What happened to the sweet old you? Well B**chhhes like you killed it!!

   Leaving work for lunch.....hmmm...wait a minute....What the helll am I talking about....I dont even have a job.

   definition of Irony: Pizza & beer with my awesome wife watching Hell'sKitchen Kitchen!!!!

   Please stop inviting me to play CANDY CRUSH I'm type 2 Diabetic & I'm watching my sugar!!!

   You have not experienced crazy until you experience NYC crazy. A man just tried to sell me a book he wrote called Don't beat your kids or they are going to turn out like me. Lol

   Corrections its Every time I leave the house: ✔Phone ✔Wallet ✔Keys ✔extra phone battery and ✔Battery Charger

   I can't win for nothing! Parent just told me I need to eat cause I'm getting to skinny. This was the same parent that told me 2 yrs ago I was fat and stop eating!

   My boss just purchase a brand new two door cadillac cash for his 16 yr old soon that just drop out out school last month.I am sitting here thinking about all of the repairs I have to do to my car.