Snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A little song,,, a little dance,,, a little seltzer, down your pants. ....
←Rate | 09-22-2016 20:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bartender on the phone. "Oh, ,hey.." Sees a priest, a rabbi, and a horse walk in " dude, let me call you back. This is going to be amazing"
←Rate | 09-16-2016 19:27 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rapunzel! Rapunzel!,, Let down your CVS receipt!........ *A modern fairy tale
←Rate | 09-13-2016 18:06 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I left a restaurant last night because it was too loud... Am I in AARP now?
←Rate | 09-11-2016 07:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey,, Why do these IKEA sofa instructions show a hammer, two allen keys and a divorce lawyer's office?
←Rate | 09-10-2016 18:41 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag,,, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
←Rate | 09-08-2016 21:17 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judge: And how does the defendant plead?...... Me: *lips right on mic* 1 dollar, Bob.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 20:42 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon (snail newsroom) "Another slow news day, fellas?".. *Newsroom erupts into laughter... {snails start a slow-clap}
←Rate | 09-08-2016 20:39 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever kept Mike and Molly on the air by continually watching it which allowed it to go into syndication,,, I hate you.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 19:17 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon SUSAN: You spent our entire life savings on dogs?? Me: They're golden retrievers, Susan... They retrieve gold,, I did it for us
←Rate | 09-07-2016 20:16 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr: "How would you say your diet is going?" Me: ... *sneezes and a Skittle come out* "Ummm, Pretty well."
←Rate | 09-07-2016 20:08 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I'm say'n, Is in the past thirty years, the baby to dingo ratio has gotten severely out of hand.
←Rate | 09-07-2016 20:02 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?
←Rate | 09-05-2016 15:50 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses are the highest level Pokémon Go players.
←Rate | 09-05-2016 15:43 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Fellow Americans,,, Can't we just all agree to write in "literally anyone else" on our ballots this November?
←Rate | 09-05-2016 15:36 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Leia walks into the bedroom to find Han staring at himself in the mirror,, holding bagels over his ears.
←Rate | 09-05-2016 15:33 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Sees a truck: Nice... *Sees a trucker: Oh, impressive... *Sees a truckest: Ah yes,, This is what I came for.
←Rate | 09-04-2016 20:22 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cow-tipping cop: Do you know why I pushed you over?... Cow: *sighs... Yes.
←Rate | 09-04-2016 17:17 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: Sir, I understand you think it was an aggressive move, and against your will,,, but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet.... Me: BUT I WASN'T READY
←Rate | 09-02-2016 23:19 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Kool-Aid Man watching the presidential election].. I dare you to build that wall, you son of a b**
←Rate | 09-02-2016 22:50 by Snotty Comments (0)  




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