hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Everyone at this Walgreens is acting like I'm the only person to ever scream out their safe word while getting a flu shot.
←Rate | 09-28-2012 05:08 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only dead fish swim with the stream.
←Rate | 10-07-2012 08:59 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ask for one of my fries, sure, I'll give you one. But don't think for a minute that I'm not FURIOUS about it.
←Rate | 03-01-2012 20:08 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning I was standing in front of a mirror looking at my naked body and thinking… “I'm going to get thrown out of this Ikea pretty soon.”
←Rate | 09-22-2012 10:55 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just silently texting about their crappy Saturday and never make friends with each other
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:22 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the results.
←Rate | 11-26-2011 18:38 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm ignoring a phone call, the phone seems to ring far longer than usual.
←Rate | 09-23-2012 09:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stop at random Jehovah's Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
←Rate | 02-21-2013 04:25 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 17:48 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon just took crocs off a man sleeping in the airport & threw them in the trash because it was the right thing to do
←Rate | 01-04-2012 05:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm ever in an accident while driving and updating my status and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press "Post."
←Rate | 02-05-2012 20:06 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're at a party and people start chanting your name, you're obligated to do anything they want you to do
←Rate | 09-08-2012 07:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked "algeber". I'm sure she excelled in English class though.
←Rate | 10-01-2012 18:44 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.
←Rate | 12-02-2012 03:48 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have 4 missed calls from my mom. A rescue team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting in my underwear on my couch eating cheetos any minute now.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 03:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your bedazzled iphone lets me know the music in it sucks.
←Rate | 01-30-2013 03:53 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents told me I couldn't be a pirate when I grew up. My movie and music collection says otherwise.
←Rate | 03-11-2012 11:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
←Rate | 11-13-2012 05:06 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon The back of every furniture assembly manual should have a coupon for couples counseling.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 05:21 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the off chance I'm captured by cannibals, I've got a 'Best if eaten by 1975' tattoo on my neck.
←Rate | 03-25-2012 08:56 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  



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