Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I spent 3 hours watching Big Brother tonight, thinking all that lazy woman has done is lay on the sofa eating crisps and drinking fizzy.Then I realised the TV wasn't even on...it was just the reflection off the screen.
←Rate | 08-20-2010 18:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Is it just me or is "Top News" on Facebook more like "Old news that is mediocre"?
←Rate | 09-21-2010 14:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a man speaks, people listen, then look. When a woman speaks, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
←Rate | 08-19-2010 13:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good friend will take you to the hospital if you fall into a coma. A great friend will draw a mustache on you on the way.
←Rate | 05-05-2010 02:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ""Daddy, whats a transvestite?” “Go ask your mother…he'll tell you.”
←Rate | 06-12-2010 12:37 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.
←Rate | 08-24-2010 13:59 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many mimes have died because no one believed they were choking..
←Rate | 03-27-2010 17:10 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.
←Rate | 09-29-2010 14:05 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My laziness is becoming such a issue that I can't even be bothered hanging my clothes on my treadmill anymore
←Rate | 03-06-2010 15:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon A smile is a sign of joy. A hug is a sign of love. A laugh is a sign of happiness. And a friend like me…Sh*t, that's just a sign of good taste!!
←Rate | 06-27-2010 13:32 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.
←Rate | 03-03-2010 12:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon Today's Kama Sutra position is The Underpaid Employee. It involves bending over backwards for the boss while kissing his a*s at the same time
←Rate | 07-29-2010 13:32 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, I would rather break my teeth or put a hole in my new shirt than locate a pair of scissors to cut the tag off.
←Rate | 08-19-2010 13:52 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why don't refrigerators have a milk dispenser next to the water in the door? You could just hold your cereal bowl under it and push the button.
←Rate | 08-23-2010 13:24 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon Trying to find your phone when its on silent is one of life`s hardest tasks.
←Rate | 04-25-2011 12:05 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yo momma's so fat that when she was cremated,all the flights in Europe got cancelled.
←Rate | 04-21-2010 09:41 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."
←Rate | 01-07-2010 12:24 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to know when they're in big trouble.
←Rate | 02-12-2010 13:22 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to talk and walk,then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
←Rate | 11-20-2009 17:11 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just committed the perfect crime. I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court. I pleaded insanity.
←Rate | 01-28-2010 03:37 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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