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Page: 8 of 9
X says Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
X says Dear sweatpants and hoodies: thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it!!
X says Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)
X says Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!
X says Try this: Get in a elevator with a bunch of strangers make sure you'r closest to the door,then turn and say, "I'm sure you'r all wondering why I gathered you here."
X says God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.
X says When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
X says Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
X says If I ever get rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
X says Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and enjoy life!!
X says May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house
X says No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little.
X says After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
X says Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, by the end you will wish you had a club and a spade.
X says Summer where all the days run into each other and every day is a saturday night!
X says Having kids is a lot like living in a frat house. Everythings sticky and your not quite sure why...
X says B*tch please, I can remove 99% of your so called "Beauty" with a kleenex.
X says They say, "You are what you eat" That's funny. I don't remember eating a sexy beast this morning.
X says Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone "Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who's phone you've just called." Problem solved!
X says I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.