Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 79 of 6387

   messageicon Thanksgiving is a good time to give people the bird and tell them to stuff it. Happy Thanksgiving. :-)
←Rate | 11-20-2018 15:23 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need something like an Epi-Pen, but with caffeine.
←Rate | 01-04-2019 09:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch Godzilla vs King Kong backwards it's about two monsters who forget their differences and build a city.
←Rate | 08-23-2019 06:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It only took three years but I finally finished eating that box of taquitos from Costco.
←Rate | 09-23-2019 06:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing makes me feel like a founding father like still remembering how to write in cursive.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 05:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me: [listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas] "no person wants this many birds"
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The moment my toddler figured out how to open a door was a lot like the raptor kitchen scene in Jurassic Park.
←Rate | 11-18-2019 08:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought some new "London Bridge Jeans" They keep falling down.
←Rate | 01-07-2020 04:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 07:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what happens if the bachelor chooses to love himself
←Rate | 03-04-2020 11:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: Damn. Another gray hair. *plucks it* Old man standing next to me: Ouch!
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
←Rate | 07-13-2020 10:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does this dental floss refuse to let me toss it into the bathroom trash can?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going back to bed is my favourite coping mechanism.
←Rate | 05-20-2018 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss told me to ease up on the coffee. He said I keep shorting out the motion sensors.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 06:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Evidently, Miracle Whip is not an intuitive substitution for Cool Whip. I know this now.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 12:46 by Mediadude Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world would be much more fun if every restaurant was an all you could eat buffet.
←Rate | 07-01-2018 10:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you date both men & women and still can't get into a relationship are you technically bi-yourself?
←Rate | 08-22-2018 17:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas
←Rate | 10-08-2018 11:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What’s the difference between an airplane and the US? The plane’s left wing isn’t trying to crash it into the dirt.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:12 Comments (0)  




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