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‘Why do birds suddenly appear’ is my favorite song about a group of people giving me the finger while I’m driving.
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10-28-2020 07:47
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These kids gonna be dumb AF. We never missed these many days of school in our life
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02-17-2021 22:17 by
@svaldez187
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me: [listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas] "no person wants this many birds"
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12-06-2019 08:57
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The moment my toddler figured out how to open a door was a lot like the raptor kitchen scene in Jurassic Park.
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11-18-2019 08:43
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I bought some new "London Bridge Jeans" They keep falling down.
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01-07-2020 04:53
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Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing.
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01-22-2020 07:11
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what happens if the bachelor chooses to love himself
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03-04-2020 11:08
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Me: Damn. Another gray hair. *plucks it* Old man standing next to me: Ouch!
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07-13-2020 10:00
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Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
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07-13-2020 10:03
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I sent a coworker a 15 page document as 15 one page PDF files rather than one 15 page PDF file. Passive-aggressive level achieved: Expert
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09-13-2017 02:00
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Thanksgiving tip #23: Call your dad now and ask him what the WiFi password is so he has time to find the little piece of paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
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11-17-2021 05:52
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Why does this dental floss refuse to let me toss it into the bathroom trash can?
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04-16-2018 02:14
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Going back to bed is my favourite coping mechanism.
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05-20-2018 13:01
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My boss told me to ease up on the coffee. He said I keep shorting out the motion sensors.
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06-06-2018 06:58
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Evidently, Miracle Whip is not an intuitive substitution for Cool Whip. I know this now.
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06-14-2018 12:46 by
Mediadude
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The world would be much more fun if every restaurant was an all you could eat buffet.
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07-01-2018 10:00
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If you date both men & women and still can't get into a relationship are you technically bi-yourself?
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08-22-2018 17:49
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Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas
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10-08-2018 11:52
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What’s the difference between an airplane and the US? The plane’s left wing isn’t trying to crash it into the dirt.
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04-22-2022 00:12
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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.
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11-13-2017 05:04
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