BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I would switch cell-phone providers if one had an "unsend my drunk text" option.

   Slut: *Facebook status* describe me with a commercial slogan <3 Me: So easy a caveman could do it.

   I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder.

   A good girlfriend is like a good bra, she uplifting, she is supportive, she fits you well, and she is always close to your heart.

   Girls dont dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked all the time

   Having sex doesn't make you a s?ut, and being a virgin doesn't make you a saint.

   The #1 biggest lie from a girl: I'm fine...

   When you click a button you didn't mean to click, so you just kinda hold the click and drag your cursor around hoping it doesn't click.

   I don’t care how many weights you can lift. You’ll never be Badass as the 64yo lady that swam 110miles from Cuba to FL, pus%ies.

   3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die.

   I'm cleaning out my car today, in case anyone needs 27 half-empty bottles of water.

   When I'm rich, I'm going to dictate my status updates to my secretary, and my butler will press that share button.

   Today, an insect settled on my monitor. Being lazy, I tried waving my mouse at it, but it wouldn't move. So I loaded a picture of Justin Bieber. Worked like a charm.

   I'm not saying blondes are dumb, but I just saw one snorting Sweet & Low because she thought it was Diet Coke.

   The biggest lie I tell myself: I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it.

   Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them... if you know what I mean.

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"

   Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.

   A teenager is always lazy to hold a pencil and write but never too lazy to hold a cell phone and type..

   Ever drive somewhere, completely zoned out, and wonder, ‘How the heck did I just get here?' Then start freaking out about how many red lights you must have ran. Yeah, happens all the time.