BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I live on the corner of Funny Street and Silly Road,in Crazy Town which is in Physco Valley,in a twisted state of mind!

   We often fear being rejected so very much that we reject ourselves first before anyone else has the chance.

   H.O.E.S = HAPPILY OFFERING EVERYONE SEX.

   Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers,but now they drink like their damn Fathers...!!!

   You may think I'm a loser, but to my goldfich, I'm the god of flakes.

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

   When I end a sentence with "Just Sayin" what I really mean to say is "Fu%k off, I'm right." ...just sayin.

   LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.

   Whoever coined the phrase "you don't know what you got till its gone" was talking about toilet paper, probably

   Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall.

   I called out my wife's name during sex and she walked in to see what I needed. Won't do that again.

   I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage...

   The number one rule in life "stay in your own lane "and there won't be any accidents.

   Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.

   Toilet paper and my iPhone have a lot in common... both are essential when I take a s$it.

   I just watch a damn naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.

   I don't hate you, I never could. I don't regret meeting you, I never will. But I do regret our relationship. It destroyed our friendship!

   Autocorrect can kiss my ask!

   I think Its funny that my dad has figured out how to tag me in pics he upload to Facebook but the clock on his VCR has been wrong since 1987

   McDonalds is opening their first restaurant in Vietnam next year. McDonalds slogan "loving you long time"!!!