santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.

   went into a elementary school and told the kids santa isnt real

   Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.

   thinks Santa is a judgemental twat who bears a grudge. I've explained the Elves incident a hundred times now. So what if I was caught naked with one of his helpers in a cupboard, it was all an innocent mistake!

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the the Christmas period!

   going to stick a mistletoe in my back pocket this XMAS, and anyone who doesn't like me can KISS MY ASS!!

   We're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f-ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a$$ down that chimney tonight,he's going to see the jolliest bunch of a$$holes this side of the nuthouse!

   Kids brought home a flier from school yesterday asking how many would be attending the "holiday celebration" at school. My wife writes down 4, then crosses out "holiday celebration" and writes in CHRISTMAS PARTY! Just call her old school!

   heard that Christmas is being cancelled! Santa was beaten up by three black women after he walked down the street saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

   This Friday, the offical Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass

   Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still sh*t your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough sh*t.

   may not be Santa, but it doesnt mean he hasnt seen you while you're sleeping...

   wake me up when is xmas over coz I cant afford buy any presents....

   wants a hippopotamus for Christmas.

   Confucius says "Christmas trees are like priests...their balls are just for decoration"......