SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages
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Judging by the hair on the furniture, I'm surprised I have any cat left at all.
If A-B-C-D didn't drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn't have to be so rushed.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
The Internet is the world's greatest source of things you don't really need.
I don't think the economy has turned around so much as it has backed over us and parked.
Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long? I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.
I always say, "If you can't say anything nice, we have a lot in common. "
Damn...I'm having an out of money experience.
My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up.
You'll never see me on Hoarders because I can't afford that much sh!t.
In our darkest moments we sometimes find a way to shine. Or smash a knee on the corner of a coffee table that you wanna toss into the fireplace.
If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired.
My “Sleep Number” is pretty much 24/7.
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin
The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.
Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.
I don't know why I should learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.
Maybe Congress should try a Bake Sale.
If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.
"Vodka, Bourbon, Tequila!" - Me calling the shots.
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