BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Live this day as if it is your last...And if it turns out it isn't, make many apologies tomorrow.

   My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.

   I'm fine" -All pissed off girls

   I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!

   It's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Wal-Mart" is a reality TV show.

   Absolutely no one can text faster than a pissed off woman.

   Typing a huge paragraph with your true feelings, but then erasing it and typing “yeah…”

   The more people I meet, the more I like my damn dog.

   Fat Chicks, if you're going to order a salad with ham, dressing, croutons, and bacon, just order a sandwich.

   Wait, don't eat yet! Let me take a picture of it at an artsy angle, add Instagram effects, and upload it to Facebook!

   Girls cant find their wallets, shoes or car keys but they sure as hell can remember something you said 8 months ago

   Oh, he didn't reply to your text message and it's been 2 minutes? You should probably resend that.

   Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.

   If there are two lanes, the left one is the fast lane. If you are being passed on the right, you are a jerk.

   I also think Facebook should change “Friends” to “People with whom I have made eye contact”.

   Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.

   Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they're out of control.

   Never trust a dog to watch your food.

   The best way to a woman's heart is by saying three words ''- You lost weight...!!!!

   I'm not calling you an idiot, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have googled "how to breathe."