Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right, and evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority.
←Rate | 07-23-2020 20:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re stranded in the middle of the ocean, don’t fart. Scramble the letters and make a raft.
←Rate | 05-28-2021 01:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started a new diet, nothing but baked beans and prune juice for the next nine weeks.
←Rate | 08-28-2021 21:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s gonna be hilarious when the people who thought that Biden was going to forgive their student loans realize that he gave them a tax increase instead.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon These mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.
←Rate | 10-01-2021 04:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook was removed for violating Facebook community standards.
←Rate | 10-06-2021 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
←Rate | 07-11-2018 08:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ME: welcome to my man cave. PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
←Rate | 09-08-2020 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recipes should include photos of the mess you have to clean up afterwards.
←Rate | 10-10-2021 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
←Rate | 01-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
←Rate | 08-03-2020 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you like to fall asleep in bed but wake up on the floor, owning satin sheets might be for you.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this point in my marriage, showering together is just a convenient way to check for ticks.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Halloween I turn on Unchained Melody, and sit in front of a pottery wheel in the hopes that Patrick Swayze will return.
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old enough to remember when infectious laughter had a positive connotation
←Rate | 10-12-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I look ridiculous!" --First wolf in sheep's clothing
←Rate | 10-13-2020 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
←Rate | 07-10-2018 09:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
←Rate | 07-11-2018 01:59 Comments (0)  




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