Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 70 of 6387
A lie doesn't become truth,
wrong doesn't become right,
and evil doesn't become good,
just because it's accepted
by a majority.
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07-23-2020 20:12
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If you’re stranded in the middle of the ocean, don’t fart. Scramble the letters and make a raft.
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05-28-2021 01:56
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Started a new diet, nothing but baked beans and prune juice for the next nine weeks.
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08-28-2021 21:06
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It’s gonna be hilarious when the people who thought that Biden was going to forgive their student loans realize that he gave them a tax increase instead.
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08-15-2022 17:42
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These mask mandates just made ventriloquism a lot easier.
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10-01-2021 04:00
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My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
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09-14-2021 02:48
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Facebook was removed for violating Facebook community standards.
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10-06-2021 07:25
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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
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07-11-2018 08:13
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If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
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08-24-2020 14:41
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ME: welcome to my man cave. PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
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09-08-2020 09:57
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Recipes should include photos of the mess you have to clean up afterwards.
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10-10-2021 15:13
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It’s Thursday… or as I like to call it, “Day 4 of the hostage situation.”
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01-05-2018 19:54
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The cardboard crowds are getting a little Rowdy at the game.
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08-03-2020 08:07
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If you like to fall asleep in bed but wake up on the floor, owning satin sheets might be for you.
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09-16-2020 08:20
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At this point in my marriage, showering together is just a convenient way to check for ticks.
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09-28-2020 09:40
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Every Halloween I turn on Unchained Melody, and sit in front of a pottery wheel in the hopes that Patrick Swayze will return.
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10-12-2020 08:22
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Old enough to remember when infectious laughter had a positive connotation
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10-12-2020 08:55
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"I look ridiculous!" --First wolf in sheep's clothing
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10-13-2020 08:55
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Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hasn't released a movie in three weeks. I hope he's okay.
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07-10-2018 09:26
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Thinking of making a horror movie titled Front Facing Camera
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07-11-2018 01:59
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